STORY AND PHOTO BY KAREN BOSSICK

Wally Collins knows his mantra--”Where’s my phone? My glasses? My keys? My remote?”--resonates with a large percentage of the Wood River Valley population.

“I once spent 10 minutes looking for my keys. When I found them, I had to stop to think: Where am I going?” he said.

Collins responded to that incident with humor. And, convinced that he has a few insights into aging gracefully, he wrote a book titled “Where’s My Phone, My Glasses, My Keys, My Remote? The Subtle Joy of Aging.”

“Life is like a roll of toilet paper. As you go along, the years go by faster and faster. I think I know the right way to tackle it,” he said.

J.McLaughlin will host a book signing with Collins from 1 to 4 p.m. today—Wednesday, Sept. 10--at its shop at 520 E. 4th St. catty corner from Atkinsons Market in Ketchum. The shop will also donate 10 percent of its clothing sales during that time to the Senior Connection.

“Wally’s book is a really fun, easy read and packed full of useful information—a great gifting idea,” said store manager Sarah Howe. “Atkinsons is also selling it, and we will have autographed books available in the store.”

Collins began realizing the perks of growing old as a young man in his 20s.

“My father waited for me to come back from my first tour in Vietnam. Then he sat me at the table and started telling me about his experience at D-Day where they had him pulling bodies out of the water. He said it was the worst day of his life. I said, ‘Why did you wait until now to tell me?’ He said, ‘I knew you needed that experience in Vietnam to understand.’ ”

Collins splits his time between Phoenix and Sun Valley, having been introduced to Sun Valley by his sister-in-law Julie Wrigley.

He spent 40 years in the restaurant business as a franchise owner of Marie Callender’s in Reno with four other restaurants and a catering company.

“As a pilot with two tours in Vietnam, I tried flying commercial airlines, but it bored me,” he said. “I met Don Callender at the airport and, when I told him I wanted to fly and own a restaurant, he said, ‘Don’t do two things half ass. Do one thing really well. What is your heart telling you to do?’ ”

Collins replied that the restaurant business was on his heart, and come Monday morning  he began working for Marie’s Callender’s enroute to owning the chain’s top franchise for 22 years.

He retired from the restaurant business after 40 years.

“I started painting and it consumed me. I enjoyed figuring out how other artists do what they do. I set up little easels around the kitchen table and taught my grandkids—I have 15-- how to paint, how to sculpt.”

Collins also makes the pilgrimage to Key West, Fla., every year where he won the Hemingway Look-Alike Contest in 2014, beating out 150 other contestants.

“It’s the most fun you can have with your clothes on. I looked more like Hemingway then—I weighed 20 pounds more. I started an auction that raised $136,000 for nursing scholarships and 25 of us go to Cuba every year to give baseball equipment to the kids who play baseball at Hemingway’s house there. People know us—they don’t even check our bags when we arrive. And we get personal tours of the home.”

Never one to let grass grow under his feet, he is writing a book on Hemingway and Picasso. He already has 125,000 words of research.

His barber, who is in the barber Hall of Fame, illustrated his “Where’s My Phone?” book. The barber won the Hemingway lookalike contest in 2002. And, after he had a stroke, leaving him unable to walk, Collins volunteered to take him to the event, navigating his friend in his wheelchair through airports.

“I’ve taken him to the Hemingway contest the last three years, giving back, because he can’t walk. It’s not a burden for me. He’s so happy he can still go—that was a highlight of his for so many years. And everybody else is so happy that I’m bringing him because they missed him during the years he didn’t go.”

The impetus for Collins’ on-the-move life was a kidney stone.

“I was 59 years old when that hit me. It had never occurred to me until then that I was getting older. It was a GOYA moment, reminding me to get off my ass and make things happen. Don’t sit home and watch ‘Law and Order.’ ”

Many of those living in the Wood River Valley already embrace that philosophy, Collins said.

“I’m absolutely enthralled by this place and its older people. They don’t drive worth a damn but these people have a better approach rather than sitting at home. I jumped on the gondola with a friend for the first time yesterday. Me? I have to force myself to go to be at night!”

Collins said the Senior Connection in Hailey is a good place to make connections.

“Association is so important at this age. Being around like-minded people who enjoy the things you do and understand what you’re going through… The Senior Connect is perfect for people to join or form a group--that way you don’t feel so lonely.

Collins will turn 80 in January.

“Are my happiest years behind me? No, they’re not. I’m aging gracefully,” he said. “Don’t be afraid to age. Don’t have a negative attitude. I know people with all kinds of illnesses who savor every day. They’re just so happy to be here.

WALLY COLLINS ON HEMINGWAY

Wally Collins, who attends the Ernest Hemingway Seminar in Ketchum every year, just finished writing a one-man play in which Ernest Hemingway is reincarnated in Key West.

Papa gets to the gates of heaven—or upstairs, as he calls it. And there he watches Peter tell each person standing there, “Spell love and you’re admitted.”

Unfortunately for Hemingway, Peter takes a break turning his admitting duties over to Hemingway’s third wife Martha Gellhorn right as Hemingway reaches the front of the line. Martha gives Ernest hell, then says, “You can get into heaven but only if you can spell Czechoslovakia.”